Monday, January 4, 2010

red wine. and a single thought.


I'm sitting at my make-shift desk in my cozy living room. NCIS is on in the background. My cute little pup is walking around the table, sniffing everything in her path. And licking my face. I have a pile of laundry on my zebra-print couch. I have pictures that need to be hung on my slate-gray walls. I have a glass of red wine to my left. And a semi-cold cup of Starbucks Grande Americano. (I love that the Starbucks guy always calls me "flower".) I'm wearing my new skinny black jeans and my brown flat boots. I'm typing this on my hot pink laptop, while my iPhone with its hot pink cover sits next to me...beckoning me to check my Facebook or Twitter one more time. This is my little life. I feel as though you need to know this inside information--for me to paint you a picture of my surroundings; my environment. You see, God is calling me for a grander purpose. Something larger than my little life. Something that I can do with the gifts He has given me, to glorify the Kingdom even more. So things are about to get personal. Real personal. Today and more days to come.

I went to a Bible study tonight at church--my first in a long time. We watched a video with Priscilla Shirer. And things she said spoke to me in ways that only the Holy Spirit can reach. I've been struggling with this thing for a while now. This one thing. And finally today...on the fourth day of this new year...I've found peace. And a new calling. For the past 24 hours, God has been trying to tell me something. In my waking thoughts--it my sleeping dreams. During my yoga meditation (yes, I do yoga on Mondays. don't ask me about my Downward Facing Dog). Through my dear friend Mary, even though she has no idea what she said to point me in this direction. Crap, even I don't know. The power of God is in me....and I'm ready for this journey.

The one thing I've been struggling being single. I'm 28 years old and single. S.I.N.G.L.E. I spell it out for you because I feel you need to understand the importance of this. Understand the importance of this season of my life. I always thought I would find the man I was supposed to marry in college--get married--have babies--quit work--have more babies--be happy and married (with a giant rock on my finger...c'mon now, let's be honest). But alas, that is not my life. That isn't even close to my life. It never has been. And the single life isn't as glamorous as Carrie Bradshaw would lead you to believe. Sometimes it down right sucks. It sucks having to have your parents as your emergency contact people. It sucks worrying about where your next date will come from...or your next NCMO :). It sucks being on one income, paying all your own bills with just one income. And yet, still having to live up to the same expectations as all your married "coupled" friends. Yes, there are definitely some upsides to this singlehood--but they are shortlived. Yes, I can pick up and leave whenever I want (after I drop Yankee off at my parents). Yes, I am independent...I know I can support myself and I know that my life is not dependant on someone else. These are all important lessons. But c'mon...who wants to learn lessons all the time?

So what is my realization, you ask? Good question. One single thought. Are you ready? Seriously, are you?

Being single is the season of my life right now. And this is exactly where I am supposed to be.

As a Christian, I know that God never gives me more than I can handle. This knowledge is good to know when you're going through a rough time...but why do we look at being single as a rough time? As a Christian, I should know that God always puts me exactly where I need to be. Even better? He has prepared me for this season of my life. I am 100% prepared for this journey. Why does it take us such a long time to understand the simplest of lessons?

So here's what I know. I am single. Because I am single, I am somewhat an expert on this topic. I am outspoken. I have an opinion about everything and nine times out of ten, you will know my opinion. I seriously view my outspoken nature as a gift. And lastly, I love God. WIth my heart. Mind. Soul. Strength. Have you put two and two together yet? I am feeling very much led to be a voice for us single, Christian woman. I am feeling led to educate you on how we feel when we hear sermons telling us that we should be married. I am feeling led to enlighten your world on our thoughts. Our struggles. Our victories. Our lives. We love the Lord. We want to serve him. And if I'm being honest...Proverbs 31 gets on our nerves (or maybe that's just me). We're independent. We're vocal. We're honest. We're trying to be content, no matter the circumstances. Stories about Ruth (being "redeemed" by a man) and Mary/Martha (being a hostess with the mostess) kind of drive us crazy. We are strong. And we are a revolution.

Welcome to my journey. I hope you enjoy the ride.