the.great. divide. (part 1)

Ok I've kept my blonde mouth shut long enough. It's time that I take a stance and speak for all the single ladies out there (insert Beyonce's song here)....


Single girls vs. Married girls. The final showdown.
(But does it have to be??)


So my roommate Adrianne and I have had numerous discussions on this very topic throughout the years and I have taken it upon myself to set the record straight on some issues, clear the air on others, and offer some insider knowledge to the public. We will be covering a few topics today...and more to come later (I'm thinking about writing a book....NY Times Best Seller baby!)


Before I launch into this--here's some background. Yes, I'm a single, upper twenties lady. My roommate is also a single (as in not married), upper twenties lady. We both have successful careers. We both have college degrees. We both have traveled and have many life experiences. We both have beautiful nephews and love them dearly (although Adrianne's is still baking...) We both are independent and have taken care of ONLY ourselves since graduating from college. We both have friends (some of them mutual) who are married, have kids, buying houses, etc. Adrianne and I both rent (and are content doing that!). And we both have made signficant life decisions...most of which have not been celebrated due in large part because they aren't the typical get married, have kids, buy a house life decisions. We're not bitter people...we're just annoyed. And with that knowledge...here we go...


Point #1. To all of our married friends....we love you. Let's just state that fact. We do. We love the fact that you found that one person who you will be spending the rest of your life with. We love the fact that you had a beautiful wedding and wanted us to be a part of that special day. We are geuninely happy for you.


BUT...yes, its a big but...


...just because we are not married does not mean we aren't complete. We are whole just being ourselves. We don't need a man to complete this picture. We don't need to be "rescued". We are playing the hand we've been dealt...and right now, that hand is to learn to be content with just ourselves.

In fact, you yourself were single once. Remember that fact. When you were single, did you like it when people would say "Don't worry, you're time will come?" Did you like it when people would ask "Why aren't you married yet?" Did you appreciate it when people would try to set you up with any single guy that crossed their path....whether or not he was quality or not? I'm guessing no. Remember that. (And if we had the answers to these questions....we'd probably be married already.) Oh and just because marriage was your answer, doesn't necessarily mean it is OUR answer. We're different people. We don't have to live the same life you do.

Point #2. To our friends with kids...we absolutely ADORE your children! We do! We love squeezing them and loving on them and showering them with gifts and spoiling them rotten (and then sending them home). If we didn't, we wouldn't offer to babysit. We wouldn't have visited you in the hospital when you had them. We wouldn't have thrown/attended your baby shower and gotten you gifts and cried when you told us you were pregnant. I just want to make that clear.

BUT....

...because we do not have kids, means we can be spontaneous. Don't punish us for this. Because we do not have children, we can go out for drinks with our other friends who don't have kids on the fly. We can take long weekends for one-tank-getaways. We can stay out until the wee hours of the morning. We don't have to schedule "friend time" months in advance.

This is not a contest between us. I (and yes, I'm speaking for myself here) long for the day when I have children. To have something that loves you unconditionally, that you created, that is solely your responsibility...yes, that is something that I cannot wait to have. But until that time...my dog Yankee will have to do. (And by the way, the day I brought Yankee home was a very big day for me. I'm not making the comparsion that its the same as bringing your child home from the hospital...but for me, it felt that way. Recognize.)

Please note...this does not refer to our nephews. In our eyes, our nephews are our hearts. We live for them. They take priority over just about anything. Seriously and literally.

And speaking of children....it hurts our feelings when we're not invited into their lives. You are our friends. We love you and we love your children. But we sometimes feel like we're not included in things, simply because we do not have children. We want to be involved in their lives.

Point #3. Celebrate our freaking life decisions, just as we celebrate yours. I have to quote Carrie from Sex and The City on this one...

"Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn't one occasion where people celebrate you. Hallmark doesn't make a 'congratulations, you didn't marry the wrong guy' card. And where's the flatware for going on vacation alone?"

All I can say to this is...Amen. A-freaking-men. When you got married, we got you presents for our showers, your wedding, etc. When you got knocked up, we got you presents for your showers (multiple), etc. When you bought your first house, we got you a housewarming gift. Well hey...congrats.

Celebrate. My. Life. Decisions. Too.

Celebrate the fact that I lived by my very own self for the first time in my life! Celebrate the fact that I bought myself a puppy who relies on me for attention, food, shelter, love, etc. Celebrate the fact that I found my dream job and am busting my ass to succeed in my career. Celebrate the fact that I found a church that I feel comfortable in and am getting involved in. Celebrate the fact that I found something that I'm talented in and am making a name for myself in. Celebrate my life too. I celebrate yours...the love needs to be reciprocated.


lovelove